"Why didn't anyone tell me I was going to live so much of my life as an old woman?"
Carol Shields wrote that in the Stone Diaries, a novel I read last month.
I find myself with way too much free time these days.
I do keep busy with a variety of projects, tasks, callings, roles, and the dailies of shopping (currently all online), cooking, dishes, and laundry.
But in the quiet of a hot September afternoon my mind wanders back to the sweet memories tied to family, friends, and the memories we created together.
I am still mourning my young friend Jacob Oveson.
He passed away as a young man, in 2015.
In this video he is dressed as a shepherd and standing next to my son Jeff, while we sang and baby sister played with the baby Jesus doll.
I miss having Jacob and his family close by. I miss chatting with them about politics and religion.
I taught the 12 year old Sunday School class when he and Jeff were that age, and I have so many spiritual memories from those hours we spent studying the gospel of Jesus Christ together.
When as freshmen in hs Jeff and Jacob won a two man debate during a regional speech and debate competition in high school, as Jeff proudly shared his medal and told me the details of the competition, I started jumping on my bed, I was so excited to hear they had won!
This was a mom win so exciting I could barely contain it. We had spent so much time up to that point debating current events, it was just overwhelming to see those two precious minds developing into a force to be reckoned with.
I miss talking to Jacobs parents about life and I miss seeing so many great families that were in our church and school circles. So many great families were a part of our charter school and many of them were members of our stake. And because the charter was a small K-12, the community was very tight.
As I observe the great sifting and combustion engulfing our nation and especially those young idealistic souls who are currently questioning everything they have ever been taught by their parents and church leaders, I just crumble in weariness that the efforts we put out to fortify and teach were not enough for many of them to stay active in church or clearly see the totalitarian systems being entrenched by the demons they confidently vote for in every election.
The siren song of materialism and the cultural dialectic of woke marxism has seduced some into thinking they know more about how to live prosperous and free than parents and grandparents who walked by faith.
The storm is upon us and I pray most will make it safely to the other side.
I sometimes feel jealous of my friends and family who have made it safely out of this world while it is obviously at the current intersection of Babylon and Zion. I ache to feel the sweet relief of a well deserved rest in the heavens with beloved grandparents and others who have passed into Heaven.
But I am determined to live out my days holding strong to my relationship with my Savior Jesus Christ, mindful that I am only responsible for my own salvation. Each individual must reconcile their own choices, sins, and determine for themselves if they want to live in such a way as to gain exaltation and eternal life.
I have a sense that Father in Heaven is about to let fly with the greatest series of eye opening events the world has ever seen.
I hope we can all sense the hastening right now and set our affairs in order for a serious pounding as the Great Awakening unfolds.
God Bless You on this glorious summer day.
Jenny